Tuesday, February 24, 2009

Important Advice To Help You Save Your Relationship - 5 EASY Steps

Sometimes a relationship will reach a crisis point. It can go either of two ways - the relationship will break up or it will be worth saving. Its not always black and white and days or weeks can be spent in limbo, not knowing what to do or how the relationship can be saved.

Below is a simple 5 point plan to help you in saving your relationship. Its never to late to start so if your partnership is on the brink of disaster then read on....

1 - First, you must honestly decide whether the relationship is worth saving. If you and your partner are both prepared to fight for the relationship to work then you have something to work with. If, however, one party is no longer interested then you are looking at a different situation. A break- up situation. You may want to look at some other articles I wrote, which would be more suitable.

There are many people who stay in a relationship just because they feel they have to. Perhaps because of their marriage vows or for the sake of the kids. If you are really interested in saving your relationship and turning it into a healthy and beautiful one then you must be doing it for more than just convenience, there has to be a real desire for it to work.

2 - The second step to saving your relationship is to work out what the real problems are. Not just the symptoms of the problems.

What do I mean by this? Well if we take the example of an affair it would be easy to say that the problem which is splitting up the relationship is the affair. But really the affair is just a symptom of the real problem, which was lack of intimacy.

Because the real problem was not dealt with and resolved, an affair has happened. But to blame the affair and not look at how to solve the lack of intimacy would leave it open for other problems to pop up (for instance pornography) because the real issue has not been dealt with.

It is when you get down to the real core problems and start to solve these, that you are really on track to saving your relationship and hopefully having a better partnership than before.

3 - Now that you have identified the core problems or issues, the next logical, but sometimes not so easy, step is communication. Communication is the key.

I know its been said so many times before but it really is true. If you are now able to talk about your relationship and about the future then you can really connect with your partner and improve your relationship.

Try holding your partners hand while you discuss emotional issues. This shows that you really care and that you want to reconnect with them. Try to remember that when your partner is taking they are doing so for the good of the relationship. Try not to feel hurt, they are not trying to hurt you, they are just being honest. Honesty is needed at this stage so embrace it.

4 - Now that you have sorted through your problems and discussed them, been honest with one another and become closer as a couple, the final step in the process of saving your relationship is to make an action plan - and follow it.

For example if your problem is that you don't spend enough time together as a couple then your action plan could include making a date night every week and taking time to decide on something to do together once a week.

For all other areas of your life you have a plan, why not one for the relationship - if its worth saving then its worth making the extra effort.

5 - And finally.... I know I said the last tip was your final step - I was a little premature. I forgot all about the most important step of all!

Making a relationship work is an ongoing process. It should be a work in progress. you have many happy, and sometimes sad, years ahead of you and you should be actively working on keeping the love in your relationship alive. There will be times when it feels like one step forward, two steps back. There will be both laughter and tears.

But if you believe that it is worth it and you have a relationship with the person you love then you know that every effort you spend on this relationship will make it worth while.

Its ok to feel like you need a little help, a listening ear or some words of advice... We all have times when we would like some support.

My time was when my ex broke up with me and I found a wonderful resource that gave me all the support I needed, and became a friend too :-)

What To Do If Your Ex Is Already Dating Someone New

Have you broken up with the love of your life only to find that they are already dating someone new? Its heartbreaking, I know, I've been there. But if its happened really quickly its probably a rebound relationship.

A rebound relationship is something people get into to avoid having to deal with the emotions of breaking up. Its a way of moving on and a way to deal with a break up.

And thats the key! - your ex is dating someone new to deal with the fact that they are missing you.

And if what you had was a relationship based on real love then there is a good chance that you will be able to put this break up behind you and get the partnership back. It doesn't matter what went on to cause the break up or even that your ex is dating someone new, if you have patience and know what sort of behaviors to avoid then you have a real chance at saving this relationship.

So your ex is dating someone new? That sucks, but rebound relationships are exactly that - they are formed when someone is trying to get over someone else.

If you look at the person that your ex is with you will hopefully see that they are different to you in some way - this is a good sign, this means that they are still thinking about you. You are still on their mind and thats why they have chosen their new rebound partner.

Maybe you are a quiet stay at home type and your ex has hooked up with a crazy party animal. Or perhaps you love to watch the football and your ex is now hanging out with an art gallery nerd.

If your ex is with someone that is completely different to you then you know their attention is still focused on you and thats a good sign. Its a good opportunity for you to use this time apart to improve yourself and become more of the partner that your ex desires. You must have been pretty close to have fallen in love in the first place!

So have the patience to let the rebound relationship run its course. As your ex spends time with someone new they will begin to recall what they miss about you and see the flaws in their new partner. With time you will become more and more attractive again. Time will work in your favour.

Thats the reason why it is not a good idea to rush back to your ex and try to get them to split up with their new partner and get straight back together with you. This would not be a good way to go about trying to rekindle your lost love.

Wait until your ex is ready to come back to you and welcome them back graciously and without bitchiness or jealousy. Be the new and improved you and you and your ex could enjoy a new more wonderful relationship.

I have listed below some specific DO NOT tips, these are really important!

· DO NOT try to convince your ex that you are the love of their life. Let them discover this on their own.

· DO NOT apologize profusely. If you did something wrong, you can say you're sorry. Once. But move on. Your ex knows the real reasons why they love you.

· DO NOT make promises to change. You are who you are and that's who they fell in love with. Making small improvements is one things but trying to change who you are just won't work.

· DO NOT try to explain that is was not your fault. Now is not the time for blame, if the break up was not your fault your ex will come to see this with time and you will not have wasted a whole lot of energy trying to make explanations in vain at this tricky time.

· And finally DO NOT and I mean NEVER EVER beg your ex to take you back.

If you have split up with your perfect partner and they have started a rebound relationship and are dating someone new, you don't have to despair completely. There could still be a chance for you. It does happen and relationships based on true love have the best chance of all for overcoming break ups and getting back together.

Monday, February 23, 2009

Can I Get my Ex-Boyfriend Back?


After a break up it is very common to ask yourself “can I get my ex boyfriend back?” This may be something that you think about a lot, perhaps even several times a day. The good news is that there are things that you can do to get your ex back but be careful of what you are thinking of trying as some things could be disastrous.

Below are some of the questions I had when my boyfriend broke up with me. I was lucky enough to find The Magic Of Making Up, where I found the answers to all my questions.

I wanted to share some of them here because they were so helpful to me, I hope you will find them useful.

Can I get my ex boyfriend back if he has a girlfriend?

This is a very tricky situation and it will be really hard to get any time alone with your ex right now. Also you have to be aware that he will be giving his attention to the new relationship and that, for now, you are in the past. But it is still possible to get back together after this. The action that you have to take is to be nice. This way your ex gets to see what a wonderful person you are and what he is missing by not being with you.

Can I get my ex boyfriend back by trickery?

Now the answer to this may seem really obvious but what you have to remember is that even a tiny lie is trickery. You don’t want to be in the situation where you get back together only to be broken up again a few weeks later when he realises that you lied. It is never right to tell a lie, don’t be tempted.

Can I get my ex boyfriend back by making him jealous?

Well, this one can work but if it backfires (which it can do) then it doesn’t just hurt you and your ex, it also hurts the new guy. Its really not fair to date someone purely to try to make your ex jealous. Think about how you would feel if someone did that to you. And also consider that when your ex sees you with someone new he may think you have moved on and he will do the same.

In this situation if you really want to date someone then do that if you need it to make you happy but always be honest with yourself and everyone else. If you are honest then you stand a much better chance of getting back together with your ex.

What is the easiest thing I can do right now to get my ex boyfriend back?

It may seem really obvious and it can also be quite difficult to do if you are hurting but it is really essential to be nice. Be nice to him and nice about him, make yourself a pleasure to be around. If you are nasty or nagging or rude about him then it will only make him realise why he does not want to be with you and will make him very reluctant to spend time with you.

You don’t want to drive him further away at this time so always be pleasant and friendly with him every time you see him.

This may be quite difficult if you have to be fake but if this is the case then instead of asking yourself how you can change or how you should act around him then maybe you should be asking yourself why you were together in the first place. Do you really like him as much as you say you do? You may find that it would be better for you to be with someone who doesn’t make you feel like you have to pretend.

But if you are able to be pleasant to him then it may make you realise that perhaps you should have been this nice to one another when you were together and he will realise that too.

But remember that you can’t change the past. There is no point going over it and trying to lay blame on your ex for the way you were together. In fact you can use this to your advantage later down the line when you are together again by saying to him that you know now what you did wrong. Point it out to him, let him know that you realise you took him for granted. But don’t expect him to admit the same to you. That is not necessary, you have to trust that he does know what he did wrong.

As I said before these are not my own ideas – these are ones that I learned from T Dub Jackson, the author of The Magic of Making Up. I was so low when my boyfriend split up with me and I bought his e-book, initially quite sceptical about the help it could give me. But I can honestly say that its been the best thing I could have done.

The advice he gives is so down to earth and it not only got my boyfriend back but it also calmed me down and gave me a lot of self confidence and a new belief in true love.

Relationships are not a game but there are things that you can do which will help you to get back the one you love.